Guilt Busters: Creating Roadblocks is Good?

There are habits that I've formed over the years that I have chosen to replace with new, more beneficial habits. That's the best way to get rid of a habit you don't like. Don't try to break the habit, create a habit that counteracts and overcomes it.

Here's a simple example that some might find a bit odd-- but it works for myself and my family. We set the table after we eat.

You read that right, your eyes are still working. We don't set the table before we eat, we set it after we eat, prepared for the next day.

What possesses us to do such an odd thing? It's because doing so is a roadblock against clutter for our family.

When my husband or I come home, both of us have gained this habit of putting things on the dining room table. The unfortunate outcome of this is that it makes it a lot easier to simply go in and sit down in front of the TV... where there's not only a clear space, but a distraction from the mess on the table.

But now, since the table is always nicely made up (sans glasses), when either of us go to put something on the table, we are immediately reminded of what the table is for-- it's NOT a catch-all spot!

This simple decision, while odd on the surface, has changed our life for the better. The reminder of the proper use of our table, and how much we have enjoyed that use, helps keep us from a habit that both of us rather wish we'd never formed.

So while technically one habit may be broken, the secret key to doing so was creating a new habit that was a roadblock to the old habit.

Be creative in creating roadblocks for yourself. Don't let what other people might think of you get in the way of creating habits that aid you in creating the life and environment you want. I mean, who sets the table after they eat and lets their dishes sit out all day?

I do. And if others think it's crazy, that's okay with me. Because I'm happier setting the table after I eat than I am with a cluttered, unusable dining room table.

And isn't that what it's all about, being happy?












~ Livin' the Rhythm with Kimberly Weston

Guilt Busters: Make Meal Preparation Efficient

We discussed what Guilt Busters are last time. These are simple ways to remove some of the pervasive, overwhelming guilt from your housekeeping life.

Today, I'd like to discuss something simple and obvious that a lot of people don't do: Making meal preparation efficient to keeping your kitchen clean.

Much of what I'm about to say will sound obvious, maybe even condescending. It couldn't be anything further from condescending. These simple methods are often ignore or overlooked, but they can change your life and the state of your kitchen entirely.

When you go in to prepare a meal, rather than leaving the kitchen, stay there. Shut down your chats, or IMs, or whatever on your computer. Bring your children with you. Make a place for any young children such as a play yard or even a gated area like the living room/ dining room.

And then, BE in the kitchen. Stay there, prepare the meal, set the table. While the food is cooking, put away dishes from the drainer, put dishes in the dishwasher, take clean dishes out of the dishwasher.

Employ your children in these efforts. They don't need to be watching TV, playing games, or running around. They may not like having to actually do chores, but since when does life give us only what we like?

You need the help, they need the life lesson. Win-win.

While you're cooking, don't alter your attention between the kitchen and any other room. This doesn't just lead to burnt food, it also leads to a dirty kitchen, depression, guilt, and self-esteem issues. So make the decision to BE in the kitchen while you cook. Make the decision to bring your children with you, and put them to work.

Even young ones can do simple things like shutting the door behind you, drying the plastic dishes, tossing the garden salad in the bowl, and various other small chores. You will be surprised to find that they LOVE IT, because it allows them to feel important and useful, it's fun for them, and they are directly involved-- which children absolutely love.

So next time that you decide to make a meal, put everything else aside. Focus on meal preparation, focus on putting away and cleaning dishes as you use them in preparation, and focus on being very aware of what you're doing.

If you get your meal preparation done and most of the cleaning up from it, you can get back to what you were doing far more quickly. Not only is this true, but you will do so WITHOUT the feeling of pervasive guilt and embarrassment.

Nothing you do, whether it's your hobby, surfing the 'net, or chores... is going to feel as good, as fun, as enjoyable, or as pleasant as it will in the absence of guilt.

Want to feel better about life in general? Give up the things that create guilt in most of us. Give up the things that prevent you from living the life you really want.

Then, you can pick them back up in an hour or so, comfortable, confident, and free. Now, you can enjoy them, because they are no longer in the way of what you really want in life, but are simply something that enhances your life.

Internet (my personal guilt producer) is much more fun and enjoyable when it's guilt free, when I KNOW my house has been taken care of, my child has had quality time with me, and that I'm now free to enjoy it without anything whispering to me that something more important is undone or unfinished.

Giving up what you want to do for the space of an hour can make the next two or three hours of doing it feel like actual recreation, rather than a shameful and selfish act of negligence.

~ Livin' the Rhythm with Kimberly Weston

Guilt Busters: The Mini Praxes

Guilt is the most common reason for paralyzing overwhelm, next to expecting too much of one's self all at once, from what I've heard and seen.

So I'm going to start a little series on ways you can help to release guilt from your everyday housework/ housekeeping. This first installment of the Guilt Busters is about doing a little mini Praxes several times through the day.

First, of course, you have to know what a Praxes is. This is a word from Simpleology, so if you've not started it, do so now. I've explained often enough why, if you do nothing else to change your life, do that.

So for those not far enough along in Simpleology to know what a Praxes is, it's basically writing down everything you really NEED to get done through the day, and then doing it first before you do ANYTHING else from your day. You've heard the old saying, "Do your work first, then play," and that's what the Praxes is partly about. It contains other very important elements, but this is the part of the Praxes we're going to focus on for our Mini Praxis.

Based on that, what is a mini Praxes? It's doing a sort of "Praxes" after each mean, and right after putting your children to bed, or right after arriving home from school. Whenever it fits into your life appropriately.

So, here's the basic idea we want:

I just did my Daily Target Praxes, and now I'm making lunch. I make lunch and we all eat. Now, before I go on with the rest of my day, I close my eyes for a moment, and think how I want my kitchen to look. I enjoy and bask in this vision for a few minutes.

Then, real quick, I hammer out cleaning up the lunch dishes, and clean two or three other dishes, too. I have my child help me, with the understanding that if she will help me clean up the lunch dishes, I will spend 15 minutes of quality time with her.

Then the rest of the afternoon, until either dinner time, nap time, or home-from-school time (whichever fits your life), I can go on about my day without guilt for enjoying something like reading a book, browsing the internet, or whatever.

This teaches our children to do their work quickly and efficiently, focusing intently... and then to spend the rest of the day guilt-free. It teaches them to do a few short Praxes after important daily events, and then to enjoy the rest of their time.

With time and devotion to this simple practice, you will eventually have that kitchen that you envision after each meal and before cleaning it to head out and do other things. You'll also have spent a total of at least 45 minutes of quality time with your children-- as well as having taught them valuable skills for their own lives.

So the Mini Praxes after each meal, or after a nap (a Mini Praxes here might be to make the bed and pick up the morning's toys), just before bedtime (where we pick up the afternoon's toys), and at other events throughout the day; helps us to relinquish guilt about what's not being done.

It helps to slowly get the house in order, as well, because we only do a couple of extra things each time-- yet up til now, most of us have been not only not doing the extra, but not even the basic maintenance.

This is your daily maintenance. This is the secret key to keeping your morning (or afternoon) Praxes simple, short, and easy, as well. At least with regards to housekeeping. If you've kept the kitchen clean of the meals you've made the day before, you don't have to do make-up work.

Always, with everything, involve your family in what you do.

You do enough work through the day that your husband can help you clean up after dinner. Your job is the household, his is outside of the household, but by evening, you're both responsible for the house.

When you value what you do, and expect help, you're more likely to get it. And you DO deserve it.

Plus, it's healthy for your family to have a meal together and to clean up together. The key word here is "together," which is a word that has become less and less of a real, concrete experience for families these days.

Eating and cleaning up together is better than no time together. And as a mother (or father), it's time for you to start insisting on it. Getting the help and assistance you deserve isn't the only good reason to insist on it.

Which is a good thing, because most of us wouldn't insist on it if that were the only reason. Too bad, too, because it's a fully legitimate reason to insist on something.

But if "because we need family time together" is all you can manage to insist on right now, I say roll with it. It will help everyone in your family, on many levels:

• It improves your relationship with spouse and children both
• It creates together time
• It teaches your children excellent life habits
• It helps decrease your overwhelm by keeping the house cleaner
• It improves the mood of the household (cleanliness almost always does)
• It gets rid of a lot of the clutter that closes in and overwhelms

So as you can see, with even this small list of benefits, the need for Mini Praxis and the involvement of your children and family is a clear.

~ Livin' the Rhythm with Kimberly Weston

Some Advice from Dr. Wayne Dyer

One of my absolute favorite spiritual teachers speaks to us:


Sweep It Clean, Inside & Out

a message from Wayne W. Dyer
Sunday, 30 August, 2009

For a moment, let’s imagine what it would be like to be fully alive without a physical shell or any of the stuff we need and desire for maintaining life on Earth. We’d have a mental energy that allowed us to move forward or backward, up or down, instantly creating whatever we desired. We’d be free to wallow in an exquisite existence without time or space as we know it. We’d be in a state of pure bliss, in love with everything and everyone. We’d have no duties or bills to tend to, no fear of losing anything, no one judging us, no possessions to insure, no demands on our time, and no goals to achieve.

What we’re envisioning is actually the world of Spirit, which we experienced before we came here and will return to when we shed our body (or as William Butler Yeats poetically called it, our “tattered coat upon a stick”).

Inspiration is a state of being here now in this material world, while at the same time reconnecting to our spiritual origins. In order to be receptive to inspiration, we need to eliminate the ego clutter that accumulates all too easily for most of us—after all, if we’re preoccupied with events and activities that have nothing to do with inspiration, we’re unlikely to notice its summons. So in order to achieve a reunion with our ultimate calling, we need to emulate the clear, uncomplicated world of Spirit.

This doesn’t mean that we should sit around doing nothing, awaiting Spirit’s arrival; instead, it means having faith that our spiritual connection flourishes in a life dedicated to joy, love, and peace. If our daily activities are so overwhelming that we don’t make these things our priority, then we’re disregarding the value of living a simple life.
My 12-Step Program To Simplicity

Here are 12 very specific tools for simplifying your life. Begin using them today if you’re serious about hearing that ultimate call to inspiration.

Unclutter your life. You’ll feel a real rush of inspiration when you clear out stuff that’s no longer useful in your life:
If you haven’t worn it in the past year or two, recycle it for others to use. Get rid of old files that take up space and are seldom, if ever, needed. Donate unused toys, tools, books, bicycles, and dishes to a charitable organization.

Get rid of anything that keeps you mired in acquisitions that contribute to a cluttered life. In the words of Socrates, “He is nearest to God who needs the fewest things.” So the less you need to insure, protect, dust, reorganize, and move, the closer you’ll be to hearing inspiration’s call.

Clear your calendar of unwanted and unnecessary activities and obligations. If you’re unavailable for Spirit, you’re unlikely to know the glow of inspiration. God will indeed work with you and send you the guidance—and the people—you need, but if you’re grossly overscheduled, you’re going to miss these life-altering gifts. So practice saying no to excessive demands and don’t feel guilty about injecting a dose of leisure time into your daily routine.

Be sure to keep your free time free. Be on the lookout for invitations to functions that may keep you on top of society’s pyramid, but which inhibit your access to joyful inspiration. If cocktail parties, social get-togethers, fund-raising events, or even drinking-and-gossiping gatherings with friends aren’t really how you want to spend your free time, then don’t. Begin declining invitations that don’t activate feelings of inspiration.

I find that an evening spent reading or writing letters, watching a movie with a loved one, having dinner with my children, or even exercising alone is far more inspiring than getting dressed to attend a function often filled with small talk. I’ve learned to be unavailable for such events without apologizing, and consequently have more inspired moments freed up.

Take time for meditation and yoga. Give yourself at least 20 minutes a day to sit quietly and make conscious contact with God. I’ve written an entire book on this subject called Getting in the Gap, so I won’t belabor it here. I will say that I’ve received thousands of messages from people all over the world, who have expressed their appreciation for learning how to simplify their life by taking the time to meditate.

I also encourage you to find a yoga center near you and begin a regular practice. The rewards are so powerful: You’ll feel healthier, less stressed, and inspired by what you’ll be able to do with and for your body in a very short time.

Return to the simplicity of nature. There’s nothing more awe inspiring than nature itself. The fantasy to return to a less tumultuous life almost always involves living in the splendor of the mountains, the forests, or the tundra; on an island; near the ocean; or beside a lake. These are universal urges, since nature is created by the same Source as we are, and we’re made up of the same chemicals as all of nature (we’re stardust, remember?).

Your urge to simplify and feel inspired is fueled by the desire to be your natural self—that is, your nature self. So give yourself permission to get away to trek or camp in the woods; swim in a river, lake, or ocean; sit by an open fire; ride horseback through trails; or ski down a mountain slope. This doesn’t have to mean long, planned vacations that are months away—no matter where you live, you’re only a few hours or even moments away from a park, campground, or trail that will allow you to enjoy a feeling of being connected to the entire Universe.

Put distance between you and your critics. Choose to align yourself with people who are like-minded in their search for simplified inspiration. Give those who find fault or who are confrontational a silent blessing and remove yourself from their energy as quickly as possible. Your life is simplified enormously when you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone, and when you receive support rather than criticism. You don’t have to endure the criticism with anything other than a polite thank-you and a promise to consider what’s been said—anything else is a state of conflict that erases the possibility of your feeling inspired. You never need to defend yourself or your desires to anyone, as those inner feelings are Spirit speaking to you. Those thoughts are sacred, so don’t ever let anyone trample on them.

Take some time for your health. Consider that the number one health problem in America seems to be obesity. How can you feel inspired and live in simplicity if you’re gorging on excessive amounts of food and eliminating the exercise that the body craves? Recall that your body is a sacred temple where you reside for this lifetime, so make some time every single day for exercising it. Even if you can only manage a walk around the block, just do it. Similarly, keep the words portion control uppermost in your consciousness—your stomach is the size of your fist, not a wheelbarrow! Respect your sacred temple and simplify your life by being an exerciser and a sensible eater. I promise that you’ll feel inspired if you act on this today!

Play, play, play! You’ll simplify your life and feel inspired if you learn to play rather than work your way through life. I love to be around kids because they inspire me with their laughter and frivolity. In fact, if I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a thousand times: “Wayne, you’ve never grown up—you’re always playing.” I take great pride in this! I play onstage when I speak, and I’m playing now as I write.

Many years ago I was given a tremendous opportunity to appear on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. The man who took a chance on me, booking me even though I was an unknown at the time, was a talent coordinator named Howard Papush. It was my first big break, and I went on to appear on The Tonight Show 36 additional times. Now it’s my turn to say thank you to Howard. He’s written a wonderful book titled When’s Recess? Playing Your Way Through the Stresses of Life, which I encourage you to read. (Howard also conducts workshops that teach people how to play and have fun in life.) In the book, Howard shares this great quote from Richard Bach: “You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self.” I couldn’t agree more—by all means, get back in touch with your real, playful self, and take every opportunity to play! Notice how it makes everything so sweet, and so simple.

Slow down. One of Gandhi’s most illuminating observations reminds us that “there is more to life than increasing its speed.” This is great advice for simplifying your life—in fact, slow everything way down for a few moments right here and now. Slowly read these words. Slow your breathing down so that you’re aware of each inhalation and exhalation...

When you’re in your car, downshift and relax. Slow down your speech, your inner thoughts, and the frantic pace of everything you do. Take more time to hear others. Notice your inclination to interrupt and get the conversation over with, and then choose to listen instead. Stop to enjoy the stars on a clear night and the cloud formations on a crisp day. Sit down in a mall and just observe how everyone seems in a hurry to get nowhere.

By slowing down, you’ll simplify and rejoin the perfect pace at which creation works. Imagine trying to hurry nature up by tugging at an emerging tomato plant—you’re as natural as that plant, so let yourself be at peace with the perfection of nature’s plan.

Do everything you can to eschew debt. Remember that you’re attempting to simplify your life here, so you don’t need to purchase more of what will complicate and clutter your life. If you can’t afford it, let it go until you can. By going into debt, you’ll just add layers of anxiety onto your life. That anxiety will then take you away from your peace, which is where you are when you’re in-Spirit. When you have to work extra hard to pay off debts, the present moments of your life are less enjoyable; consequently, you’re further away from the joy and peace that are the trademarks of inspiration. You’re far better off to have less and enjoy the days of your life than to take on debt and invite stress and anxiety where peace and tranquility could have reigned. And remember that the money you have in your possession is nothing but energy—so refuse to plug in to an energy system that’s not even there.

Forget about the cash value. I try not to think about money too frequently because it’s been my observation that people who do so tend to think about almost nothing else. So do what your heart tells you will bring you joy, rather than determining whether it will be cost-effective. If you’d really enjoy that whale-watching trip, for instance, make the decision to do so—don’t deny yourself the pleasures of life because of some monetary detail. Don’t base your purchases on getting a discount, and don’t rob yourself of a simple joy because you didn’t get a break on the price. You can afford a happy, fulfilling life, and if you’re busy right now thinking that I have some nerve telling you this because of your bleak financial picture, then you have your own barrier of resistance.

Make an attempt to free yourself from placing a price tag on everything you have and do—after all, in the world of Spirit, there are no price tags. Don’t make money the guiding principle for what you have or do; rather, simplify your life and return to Spirit by finding the inherent value in everything. A dollar does not determine worth, even though you live in a world that attempts to convince you otherwise.

Remember your spirit. When life tends to get overly complex, too fast, too cluttered, too deadline oriented, or too type A for you, stop and remember your own spirit. You’re headed for inspiration, a simple, peaceful place where you’re in harmony with the perfect timing of all creation. Go there in your mind, and stop frequently to remember what you really want.

A man who personified success at the highest intellectual and social levels would hardly seem one to quote on simplifying our life, yet here’s what Albert Einstein offers us on this subject: “Possessions, outward success, publicity, luxury—to me these have always been contemptible. I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.”

Wow! I’d say this is pretty good advice, wouldn’t you?

Wayne.

When It's All Just Too Much

So you have lots of great ideas banging around in your head now.

You need to clean the kitchen each day. Do Simpleology. Meditate. Take your kids to school. Pick them up...

Oh boy. How did you end up here?

Well, remember that we're working on creating a habit per month. So what about these other habits that are so important, so meaningful, so valuable?

This is one of the things that the Dream-a-Dream box is for. Go in the other room. Write down the habit you want to form. Put it into the Dream-a-Dream box.

When you write it down, though, don't just write down the habit: "Make my bed every morning."

Instead, write down the habit as if it's already created, and what it feels like when you imagine it already created: "I love it that I make my bed each morning. When I walk up into my room at bed time, it always looks so lovely, so organized, and so welcoming. It feels so good to know that my bed is made before I get into it, and that if someone stops by today, they can visit my bedroom and I will feel proud of myself and my room."

Keep it positive, don't include things like, "I won't be embarrassed," instead make it, "I feel proud." Take the fear, and turn it around into its opposite. "I won't be fat" becomes "I look slender and strong."

Then when it comes time to begin creating your next habit, go to your Dream-a-Dream box. Find the dream you feel is highest priority, and turn that one into habit.

One step at a time. One day at a time.

Now that you have a Dream-a-Dream box, you know that it's just a matter of time before each of these habits you want to form become reality for you. No longer is it overwhelming, but now it's just a matter of time. You don't have to do it today-- and you probably wouldn't even if you tried to force yourself to.

So let it come in its own time. Prioritize and put the rest of your dreams back. They'll keep. :)



~ Livin' the Rhythm with Kimberly Weston

The Single Most Important Change

If I could convince you to make one single change, it would be this one.

If you asked me, "Kimberly, how can I change my life, right now, for the better. I want a lasting, real change, that will change everything else, too," then this is what it would be.

If you asked me, "How can I overcome overwhelm, create new habits, eliminate much (or even all) of my daily guilt about not getting things done, and make my life easier?" Then I would tell you to do this, and that these things would flow from it.

But then you'd tell me this before you even heard me out:

• "I probably can't afford it." I have news for you. It's free.
• "I don't have time." News there, too. It takes 15 minutes a day. If you make time for it, you'll free up most of the rest of your day, too. So making time for this, makes time for other, more fun things.
• "Nothing can really change your life that way." Nothing that motivates you and then leaves you to your own devices can. But this is an ongoing support for your entire life.

I have seen so many things advertising that they have "The Secret that The Secret™ didn't tell you," and yet none of them have pointed to this program. I wish I didn't have to get in the "The Secret to The Secret™" line, but let's face it, none of these programs have worked for me. I suspect that, if you've tried them, they didn't work for you, either.

So, I want you to succeed. I'm giving out a lot of tips and tricks that will improve your life if you practice them on a consistent basis.

But you've learned a lot that would help you, if you practiced it on a consistent basis, haven't you? You've been inspired before, have you not?

Thought to yourself, "Oh wow! That's amazing. I'm going to do that!" and a week or so later, you've lost that Git-Up-And-Go attitude and you're feeling like it's too much work or not enough time or...

For some reason, it's just not happening.

This is a familiar feeling for almost all of us. And that guilt that follows not following through is even more familiar. The nagging sense of something undone. The nagging feeling that we should be doing more. We should be accomplishing something...

Something. Something more. Something better. Something...

The free program that I'm talking about here will almost certainly eliminate that nagging feeling if you make the decision to put this single habit FIRST on your list of what to turn into a lifetime habit.

I have experienced the life change that comes from daily practice of this action habit. This one habit is the fulcrum upon which your ability to create other new habits hinges. It's the foundation for everything that I'm teaching you. The foundation for creating and maintaining ANY habit or motivational action that ANYONE teaches you.

I don't get paid when you join Simpleology. I don't get paid if you decide later to get any of his other programs.

My recommendation of this program to you is without any strings attached. I simply, truly, sincerely believe in it. I KNOW it WILL change your life if you will dedicate yourself to this one thing first.

It will bring the rest of your life together.

It's called Simpleology by Mark Joyner.

What it has done for me, and I believe with absolute certainty it will do for you if you make it into a habit:

• Eliminated "I didn't get enough done today" guilt that considerably adds to overwhelm
• Helped me create other new habits that have changed my life and helped keep my house clean
• Improved my ability with money
• Kept me consistent in my diet and exercise plan
• Kept me consistent in disciplining Kira
• Assisted me in a consistent practice of visualization and meditation
• Freed up time in my day for guiltless pleasure passtimes
  

In fact, I can't really record all the ways that it has changed and improved my life. Because to do so, I would have to list all the benefits of a regular exercise program, of eating well, of a regular meditation practice, of improvements in money management, etc.

So as you can see, this is the ONE thing you can do, starting today, for FREE, that has the potential to create exponential changes in your life.

I want you to succeed. I want to give you tips that you can come back to a month from now and implement, with an ongoing, lifetime success rate.

This is the foundation. With this, you can create the success you want in creating new habits, be they habits with money, habits of cleaning house, habits with your children, going to school and actually following through on it... whatever.

If you take absolutely nothing away from this blog, please take this. If you do so, then I have succeeded in my ultimate goal:

To give you the tools to change your own life for the better.

Because only YOU can change your life. And the only true way to do that is to be consistent enough to create new habits. Humans require slow changes if they're going to stick. Daily, consistent application of this single program will lay the foundation for all of the changes you want in your life.

www.simpleology.com

Just do it.

~ Livin' the Rhythm with Kimberly Weston

Overwhelm and failure

Another thing that leads to overwhelm for a lot of people is when they feel like they have failed.

For example, let's take something simple. Amy gets into cleaning her kitchen. She's cruising along, doing great. Then one day, her son gets sick.

So for a week, she's busy going to doctor appointments, giving meds, and otherwise just taking care of her son. At the end of the week, she looks at her kitchen. She thinks that all of her progress is gone. It's a mess.

Rather than clean up from dinner, she goes in and hides in the Tv. Why?

Because she failed, didn't she? She quit doing it, so now it's going to take another month to get the habit established. It's just too hard....

The problem here is that she's looking at it from the wrong perspective. Instead of seeing that she can go forward from here, she looks back and thinks about failure.

If she'd look at it as having taken a vacation from forming the habit because a higher priority came up, her whole perspective would change.

Yes, the kitchen got dirty. But let's see... a sick child, or a dirty kitchen... yeah, no brainer for most of us, isn't it?

Okay, now you're back from vacation. You don't have to catch up with the last week today. Just keep up with today, and two extra dishes.

That's it. You're not starting all over, you're reinforcing the work you've done so far by "getting back on the horse."

You've shown yourself, your mind, and your life that you're committed to making the change, even if you do take a vacation here and there for higher priorities.

Don't give up just because you missed a week.

Don't give up just because you're changing your eating lifestyle and you "fell off" and had a cupcake. Just go back to what you were doing. It's a setback, not the end of all hope.

Learn to see setbacks as vacations, setbacks, pauses... not failures.

You can't fail at creating a new habit, unless you give up entirely. Remember, you're not going to "create the habit and then I'm all done." It's an ongoing process! It doesn't get easier to clean... it just becomes habit to do so.

And the point isn't to make it easier to clean, the point is to have a clean house that you can ENJOY and FEEL GOOD in!

It's about the results. The result of forming a habit to have a clean house? Feeling rested, relaxed, and happy in your home. That's the reward!


~ Livin' the Rhythm with Kimberly Weston

Let's talk Overwhelm

The thought manifests as the word; The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit; And habit hardens into character.
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings.
– Buddha

___________________________

Today, I'd like to address this issue of Overwhelm. How often I've stood facing my kitchen, and just didn't want to deal with it. I wanted a clean house, but I didn't want to face the fact of getting to the clean house.

Having a clean house = awesome idea

Cleaning my house = maybe tomorrow, if I have time, if I have energy, if...

And then, of course, there was the dirty bathroom. And there was the dirty living room. The unmade bed and the socks on the floor.

When you get right down to it, too, even if I clean the kitchen today, it'll just be trashed again by tomorrow, won't it? So what's the point?

Here's step 1 of the first problem with overwhelm. I want to be at the end. I don't want to get to the end, I want to be there. Preferably yesterday. And the fact is, I can't get there yesterday. So I get bummed out and just walk away from it. I put it off until later, not because I'm lazy, but because it's simply too big of a chore.

And you know what? That's usually true. It usually is too big of a chore to finish in the time I have at the moment.

But every day, it gets worse. That's the secret little problem behind the feeling that I will do it later because it'll only get messy again tomorrow. It doesn't get messy again-- it gets messier. And thus it builds up and becomes a problem.

I end up with no clean dishes, no counter space, a messy floor (why clean the floor when the rest is dirty?), and a terrible dread of going into the kitchen or having anyone over.

Well, what did I do, then? I made a single decision. Rather than cleaning my kitchen in one day, I decided to maintain the kitchen where it is. When I make breakfast this morning, I clean up after breakfast.

Plus two or three other dishes.

That's it.

And I made that into a daily habit. The point here was to establish a habit of cleaning up after myself in that one room. And by the time I had established that habit, I had also cleaned the kitchen.

You see, if you want to fight overwhelm, one of the best ways to do it is to make incremental changes. Don't get caught in the trap of thinking that something's only worth doing if you do it all at once.

This leads to "forget it, I'll do it later."

Tonight, when you make dinner, clean up after tonight's dinner. Wash two more dishes, or just clean the floor. That's it, that's all the time you need to take today.

Because:

• You don't have time to waste on cleaning the whole dang thing right now
• You're not going to do it when you look at it and feel like it's all too much
• It's easy to wash two dishes or to just quickly sweep the floor
• It waited this long, you know it isn't going anywhere, so it's not like you won't get another chance

So start building the habit of cleaning up after meals. That's it, that's all. Build a single habit today.

I remember in Al-Anon, which I attended in my youth, they had a saying, "Progress, not perfection." I altered that, and my motto became, "Progress is perfection."

Imagine this. If you go along the way you're going, you'll just keep having a dirty house. Nothing will really be different. Life will be the same as it is. But if you build one habit at a time, in 6 months, you'll have a different house. That's six rooms that you'll have and keep clean.

What do you think, a 6 rooms clean habit, or the same ol' thing?

Progress is perfection, my friend. Don't reach for the stars, just reach for the next step towards them. Then one day, you'll wake up and realize you've reached the stars. And how did you get there? You didn't jump right up into the sky from the ground. You climbed there, one new habit at a time.

I'm afraid that you're not going to wake up tomorrow, clean your whole house, and keep it that way for the rest of your life.

You have to get to the point where you're that kind of housekeeper by forming habits. Because at the end of the day, your habits will win over your desires. I guarantee it.

And how can I guarantee that?

Because humans are habitual creatures. Our minds very much desire to go on auto-pilot. So if you want to change the direction your house takes, change where your auto-pilot is directed to go.

Make auto-pilot take you into the realm of cleaning up after your meal and cleaning two other things, too. Eventually, you'll run out of extra things to clean up. That's the day that you've arrived at a brand new habit.

Your life experience is rooted in your habits. Habits of thought, and habits of action.

If you have and keep dirty habits, you have a dirty house.

Change your habits, change your life.


_______________________________


We'll talk more about overwhelm later. It's a huge issue for most people!

~ Livin' the Rhythm with Kimberly Weston

The Dream Shelf

One of the big problems that I had when I began this little adventure was the fact that I tend to get very good ideas. No, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that they were flashes of insight that would burn brightly, and then be gone.

Few things are quite so disheartening as losing a great idea!

So I made a "Dream Shelf." This is in a prominent position in the house. It's in a place where you and your family congregate. This might mean a kitchen or dining room. It might be a living room or a family room. And if you don't have a place you congregate, pick something that seems appropriate.

Here, you will put several boxes. Make them lovely, this is here to help you, to help your family. In fact, if you possibly can, make them together with your family, especially if you have young children.

Whatever you do, make this spot a priority to be kept neat and clean. Even if you just start out with simply shoe boxes, that's fine! It's better to do it, than to wait until you can pretty it up. That day may never come.

So start where you are. Don't wait for a better time-- there is no better time. Now is the time. Today is the point of Power.

Do it now. Replace the boxes if/as you get time to make prettier ones.

It's supposed to be fun, not just "yet another project" that you feel overwhelmed by. It's also supposed to be utilitarian, so if you can't have the fun, then accept the utilitarian.

You'll need about 5 boxes to start with. Label one of them the Dream-a-Dream box. Label one the Food Dreams box. Then we'll talk about the other three over the next few days.

Get it started today. Get the boxes, and pretty them up later as you get time.

Remember, it's better to do anything that's really helpful in your life in a bare bones way, than it is to wait until you can do it "perfectly."

Too often we wait until it can be done perfectly before even starting. And this is what leads to overwhelm much of the time.

Speaking of overwhelm, that will be the topic of an upcoming post, rest assured.

~ Livin' the Rhythm with Kimberly Weston

Up and Running!

Welcome to Livin' the Rhythm!

Just to tell you a bit more about me, I live in Stratham, NH with my husband John, daughter Kira, and my cat, Kitty.

I will be including some spiritual aspects in the blog, so I thought I'd just let you know ahead of time that I follow the Toa as translated by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer in Living the Wisdom of the Tao: The Complete Tao Te Ching and Affirmations
.

Now, on to the important stuff. I'm not Susie Homemaker. My house isn't perfect. So when you read, you'll know where I'm coming from.

So why am I posting all of this? Because even though my house isn't perfect, it works for me and my family. It's not squalor, and it doesn't have that "pleasantly lived in [by a slob]" look. It's reasonably clean, somewhat tidy, but very workable.

And that's what I'm passing on to you. Getting a household that works, shooting for the possible. I'm not particularly wealthy, so I won't be offering you solutions that will have a huge price tag.

I'm coming from "been there, done that, here's what helped me" perspective. And getting a household that WORKS versus shooting for a household that's perfect, is what this is all about. Because let's face it, shooting for perfect is a recipe for giving up.

So let's make your household workable. Let's make it comfortable. Even if it's not Martha Stewart's mansion, it can be a place where you can live without feeling like it's closing in on you. My home is humble, but I still have to live in it. I'd rather be able to live comfortably in it, wouldn't you?

I believe that the main ingredient we women are missing in making our households function better is that we try to live against, or in spite of, the natural cycles of life. I'd like to see more women honor and live with the cycles of life. Be they menstrual cycles, life cycles, seasonal cycles, or even simple daily cycles.

That's the heart of this blog. Empowering women to live with their cycles, to live with their natural strengths, and honor and enjoy them.

Isn't it about time?


~ Livin' the Rhythm with Kimberly Weston